Mystery Jets: Q&A

The Mystery Jets are to release new long player '21' on March 24th. It looks set to wriggle it's way into the national psyche & tunes such as 'Flakes' & 'Young Love' will be bellowed out at festivals the world over. We were lucky enough to have a quick chat with frontman Blaine Harrison & asked him a few questions. We didn't go down the normal 'How did you meet?' route..

What would you rather be attacked by- Shark or Bear?

Definitely a Bear. You can trip up a bear, you can't trip up a shark. Once I've got that bastard on the ground he might as well be dead meat. I'll blind him with my flash light and then feed him his own feet.

What is your favorite word?

Choad. Or maybe you spell it chode, i'm not really sure as it's not in the dictionary yet. Actually it's the whole bands favorite new word. It can be used in all different kinds of instances. For example:
'what do you mean my bus pass expired last month! go suck a choad!'
It's basically the name for someone who has genitals which are wider than they are long.

What was Mr Alkan like to work with?

Erol is probably the hardest working person in music. Seriously. Nick Cave talks about wearing a suit to work and doing 9 to 5 days, but Erol does 9 to 5pm then 9 to 5 am! And he just wears a bob dylan tshirt. No jacket required!
He has already made 3 full records in his first year as a record producer. That's a lot. He is obsessive about everything he gets involved with, in the best possible way.

Would you rather be deaf or blind?

That's a dumb question.

What is the fastest fish in the sea?

The sail fish. Apparently it can do 68mph. I mean thats pretty fast, but it's not THAT fast is it? I mean considering a falcon can do 200 mph. I want to know something though. If a fish swims right into a whale's open mouth by accident, without being chewed first, can it survive? Because surely the whales gut is just full of water anyway, so can it just hang out in there right?

Do you talk to yourself?

Yes. recently its been worrying me actually. I mean i dont often do it like properly out LOUD. But i realized the other day that i am constantly interviewing myself in my head. Almost as if i am trying to prepare myself for being asked any question by any person on the planet when the day finally comes. The big day.

What is your favorite time of day?

sex o' clock.

On a scale of 9-10, how good are crumpets?

Maybe 8. 9 and 10 are definitely reserved for pop tarts. Chocolate fudge sunday and strawberry icing flavours.

Do you salute magpies?

Yeah, there's this one who used to perch his little death claws onto the railings of the Eel Pie bridge, near where my dad lives. I used to call him mr Crow but guess he was a magpie really. He had a beak the size of a dinosaur claw. Really ugly little fucker. You'd never tell him that though. He'd flap himself over to you while you were eating your zinger burger and rip off your nose ring. Anything shiny, he's having it.

If someone can be gormless, what is a gorm?

Well if someone is gormless it implies they don't have a clue about what's going on around them. Which implies a Gorm must once have been the name for someone with heightened awareness of himself and of others. Like some kind of Pharoe or Duke. Thats a good word too isn't it? Duke. Duke Duke Duke Duke Duke.

Describe your best dance moves.

Okay. My current favorite is the 'indie record store shuffle'. I invented it along with a guy called Ali, who i met in Glasgow.
Here's how it works:

STEP 1.Shuffle sideways in both directions implicating trying to get in to have a closer look at a Scritti politti record but some asshole with a mullet is stood in front of you.
STEP 2. Stretch your arms out forward and wriggle all your fingers, one after another, implying leafing through said obscure indie band's back catalogue.
STEP 3. Pull a record out and lift your hands up into the air as if you are trying to take a closer look at the serial numbers and label copy on the sleeve.
STEP 4. After having turned it around several times in the air and decided it is not infact the 1st edition copy of swell maps' "A trip to Marineville" or "20 Jazz funk greats " by Throbbing gristle, lower your arms as if returning it to the shelf with a half discusted/half upset expression on your face
STEP 5. Continue Wiggling of fingers and repeat sequence as required.

Note: there is also a special student version of this dance which involves a further 5th step, where you turn around to check no ones watching and then slip the LP down into your open record bag and hastily walk out of the shop. Because after all, beggars can't be choosers right?

What is your favorite snack?

Spray cheez on Riveta.

Kill all hippies?

No. Kill all Crusties. For the most part, Hippies eventually grow up and realise that feeding their babies on baked beans and oatmeal is hardly giving their kid the biggest of head starts in life and so move back to their wealthy parents house in the country and get real jobs and put their hair into receding ponytails.
Crusties however just have more and more crusty babies. And nobody's going to want to clean a Crusty babies bum. Especially not a Crusty.

Which actor/actress would play you in the film of your life?

Zoe Deschanel. After I marry her, she will know me more intimately than anyone else... And she'll probably insist on doing it too y'know.

Have you ever made a citizens arrest?

No. But the other day me and my friends were about to get into an unlicensed cab when suddenly a whole plain-clothed police squad pounced out from behind the bushed and dragged the cab driver to the floor screaming at us to step back. 'This man is a convicted rapist!' they were shouting 'Never use unlicencensed cabs!' They were screaming. Fuck!

Who is your best Sporting Hero?

Tom Penny, the Skateboarder. He became really famous at the age of 12 or 13 for doing loads of stuff people didn't even have names for yet. Nothing show off-ey just loads of fluid combinations done really quickly, which no one had ever thought of putting together before. It got to the point where people stared hero worshipping him and he lost it and moved to the French countryside and stopped skating and did loads of drugs. I lived in the same village as him in France and used to go round to his house and annoy his mum to give me free skate stickers and get splinters in my bum sliding up and down his half-pipe all day. He was fucking incredible.

Have you ever seen a ghost?

I used to see a guy walking up and down a cornfield with a dog and a metal detector when i lived in the countryside. I mean he could have just been old joe bob from the local farm out looking for truffles and scrap metal, but he did it at really odd times of the day. I'd see him on the way to school, at seven in the morning. or on the way home, at like 9 or 10 at night. And for some reason i only saw him on really misty days. I didn't think anything of it until my dad asked me If i'd ever seen the old man with the dog and the metal detector....

What have been your fave tracks/albums from the past year or so?

The vampire weekend album, The last Of montreal record. 'Person Pitch' by panda bear, The 2nd beirut record wasn't as good as the first i thought..Nor was the band of Horses one..
All these bands are american! The Klaxons record. 'Mans needs, women's needs, whatever' -The Cribs. These New Puritains' record is pretty good.

What is your favorite insult?

1. 'oh by the way, you're adopted' (only really works on siblings).
2. 'Nice mullet, asshole.'

xxxBlaine

The Mystery Jets- Flakes (Z Share) (YSI)

All questions put by Beef Weaver.